Alternative Queen's Seasonal Message - Complaints Bureau

I have been on the receiving end of two numerous complaints about the fact that my seasonal message contained no hippo (as was promised by Still 3 of the promotional advertising).

I urge you to watch the film again now and check closely for yourself, as you may have missed it first time round for all the laughter you were up to.

Alternative Queen's Seasonal Message

At last - it's what you've all been waiting for!

Alternative Queen's Seasonal Message - Still 3

Alternative Queen's Seasonal Message - Still 2

Alternative Queen's Seasonal Message - Still 1

Seasonal message: a special announcement

Festive Holly

Dear reader, as you will already know it is a custom going back to the dark ages of blogging that I do hereunto produce a well-regarded and highly-respected message for my adoring fan and you about the yuletide what is about to wash us all over.

It will come as no surprise therefore that this year I have listened to you lot and regretfully have to inform you that having giving careful thought to all your many requests and demands to do otherwise, I am pressing ahead as usual.

For what is a man? What has he got? If not himself, then he has naught.

But to encourage you to partake in the visual feast heading your way my-blog-wise on the great day of itself 25 December, Christmas (and give you a reason to escape the unwanted, nay, chilling embrace of your family and 'loved ones' for a brief moment of respite from all that creepy "jollity" gruesomeness and settle down in front of your PC - or for those with creative pretensions "Mack" - with a nice drop of the cockle-warming hard stuff [but not on a works computer, Beattie] before visiting me here at the blog) I will be publishing a few exclusive stills from my seasonal film over the next few hours.

So, do remember to tune in on Christmas Day for my alternative Queen's Speech.

Found dignity at the disco

(Apologies for the dreadfully poor quality of this. Neither has been to proper dancing lessons.)

Lost dignity at the disco

On the day after the disco my true love left for me:

Twelve laydeez handbags,
Eleven lighters (broken),
Ten Benson and Hedges,
Nine spare Christmas cards,
Eight mobile phones
Seven undrunken Advocaats,
Six stale mince pies
Five pairs of shoes
Four cheap old scarves
Three tasteless bracelets
Two old pairs of tights
And a skirt which can all be claimed from se-cur-i-teeeee.

Full of yuletide joy

Yes, 'tis the season of stuff is upon us all.

Let's kick off the start of the beginning of the celebrations with the song I've requested at the Derrig Towers 'Chill-Out Xmas Disco'.

Preparez vos mouchoirs, it'll bring a tear to your eye.

Xmas: don't go overboard, will you?

Christmas message to the nations of the world

Bellybuster magnifico

Gourmet paradisico

After yesterday's ginormo-gutstuffer courtesy of Club Derrig's culinary corner, I have today partook of the annual festive chums lunch up Acorn House and done it all again.

I can barely move, only managing to waffle (waddle/shuffle) in a stiff-legged stylee and bloated to all feck. It feels like I could burst forth at any moment, spilling out like a huge sausage from a very thin skin, all pinkish and totally ghastly to the vegetarianistas.

"What a life!" as the Lebanesians do say about it, again.

Restaurant review - Blow-out enormo (Bongos: Intermission)

Never in the field of human consumption was so much piled upon one plate for one person i.e. me, up at the gastronomic corner of Club Derrig.

Now that's what I call a feast, and no mash to boot! Spuds-a-plenty, gravy, meaty stuff, and yorkie puds.

Eat your own heart out. I nearly did.

Xmas Gift Round-up

Probably the best of a sorry bunch of gifts to me from you lot.

I will be wearing it on those special occasions when I am in need of warming myself up.

Also a mug.

Xmas blogging again

Yes, I think dearly of you all which is why I've been up all night splashing out on you for a treat.

Season's Greetings - Sir Colin

Don't forget to join me tomorrow for some festive-type egg/elfhead shenaniganery stuff. 'Round about midnight approximately. In the meantime, a message of love to all my both readers:

Season's Greetings - Beattie

Season's Greetings - Tallulah

O come all ye faithful...

'Tis the season to be jolly!

Join me in doing your bit (or anyone else's bits for that matter) for the planet here.

Season's Greetings - The Genius Amanuensis