Xmas: don't go overboard, will you?

That 'Speech' In Full

Listen, up you yankee buffoons

Sadly, or you may think counterwise, the live feed of Beattie's address to the Bostonian branch of the SEI-EI-O went down immediately before he got to speak. It is therefore with the greatest of regret that I am able to reproduce here what he did say to them assembled there for him to speak at, which I have faithfully transcribed from the FBI files.

(Coughs.) My fellow Americans, It gives me great pleasure, and always has done.

So I want you to know how much of a privilege it is for you to be sitting listening to me at this momentous time.

I came in a big metal bird from across the sea to stay in your big concrete teepees and drink your beer, which - frankly - is pish.

But you didn't beg me to come here as a last-minute replacement for the two other people who couldn't be arsed to come but you'd have preferred. I am told.

So let's get down to business and the what I am here about.

Χρωματιστά σε βοσκοτόπια των χορού ευκαιρία αφήνει μάγια της πρόκλησης,
Διασκεδάζει, αλλά πραγματικά στην σκέψη, έφυγε από όλη την θάλασσα.
Αυγή της σκέψης μεταφέρονται μέσω στιγμές των ημερών γης
Αποκαλύπτοντας διαδρόμους του χρόνου προκαλεί τις μνήμες, αποσπασματικά, αλλά με
Σκοπός,

Διεισδύσεις λαχτάρα να προσφέρει συνδέσεις με τα αιχμηρά του εκπαιδευτή τον εαυτό του
και προσφορά αγάπης, όπως κάναμε με τον αέρα, μια εικόνα της απόστασης.
Αυγή της εξουσίας μας διασκεδάζουν redescending τόσο γρήγορα όσο κατάχρηση
Έκφραση, καθώς μόνο για να διδάξουν την αγάπη για να αποκαλύψουν το πάθος κυνηγούν
Αργά σε γωνίες, και χορέψαμε από τον ωκεανό.

Αυγή της αγάπης μέσα μας έστειλε τα χρώματα της αφύπνισης μεταξύ των πολλών
Δεν θα την ακολουθήσει, μόνο κομμάτια από μια διαφορετική ηλικία, καθώς καλύπτουν τις συνδέσεις

Ατελείωτες χάδια μας για την ελευθερία του ζωή αιώνια.

Διεισδύσεις λαχτάρα να προσφέρει συνδέσεις με τα αιχμηρά του εκπαιδευτή τον εαυτό του
και προσφορά αγάπης, όπως κάναμε με τον αέρα, μια εικόνα της απόστασης.
Αυγή της εξουσίας μας διασκεδάζουν redescending τόσο γρήγορα όσο κατάχρηση
Έκφραση, καθώς μόνο για να διδάξουν την αγάπη για να αποκαλύψουν το πάθος κυνηγούν
Αργά σε γωνίες, και χορέψαμε από τον ωκεανό.

Αυγή της αγάπης μέσα μας έστειλε τα χρώματα της αφύπνισης μεταξύ των πολλών
Δεν θα την ακολουθήσει, μόνο κομμάτια από μια διαφορετική ηλικία, καθώς καλύπτουν τις συνδέσεις

Διεισδύσεις λαχτάρα να προσφέρει συνδέσεις με τα αιχμηρά του εκπαιδευτή τον εαυτό του
και προσφορά αγάπης, όπως κάναμε με τον αέρα, μια εικόνα της απόστασης.
Αυγή της εξουσίας μας διασκεδάζουν redescending τόσο γρήγορα όσο κατάχρηση
Έκφραση, καθώς μόνο για να διδάξουν την αγάπη για να αποκαλύψουν το πάθος κυνηγούν
Αργά σε γωνίες, και χορέψαμε από τον ωκεανό.

Αυγή της αγάπης μέσα μας έστειλε τα χρώματα της αφύπνισης μεταξύ των πολλών
Δεν θα την ακολουθήσει, μόνο κομμάτια από μια διαφορετική ηλικία, καθώς καλύπτουν τις συνδέσεις

Now, where's my expenses?

Begob

Happy birthday, St.Patricia.

Damn you, Gavster.

I'm not a punching-the-air kind of chap, unlike Mr Councillor Edwards. I prefer to take my pleasures in other, more modest ways.

And that's not just because he and the Genius Amanuensis got a public thank you, either.

Reader participation opportunity

Beattie has been getting all medievally-opinionated on my ass.

Last night at the Club Derrig Symposium for Superior Gentlemen he took on his Rexy Harrison persona to suggest that my approach to the art of pouring a Guinnnnness was "worse than a woman".

Dear readers, feel free to let the lad have it with both barrels...right up the comments box.

A Personal Statement

Following a long-term campaign against me of enormous proportions I am forced to issue this personal statement of about me.

First off, and no shilly-shallying, I think the picture above says it all for me. A picture paints a thousand words, according to the song, and that saves me an awful lot of input.

Secondly up, on the sharing of rooms with Beattie. I am known far afield and wide away for my tightness and that's all there is to be said about that as a full and total explanation.

Thirdly now, I am comfortable in my own skin and with the smooth skin of other men in my company. It's perfectly natural and I've never been any different.

Fifthly*, there is nothing like a dame, and I cite in my defence Dame Edna Everage and Dame Danny LaRue.

Sixthly, there are plenty of women who could tell you all about my fancy-footwork and fiendish loving techniques, but as a discreet gentleman I'm not prepared to give away any identifying features except for those previously featured.

Now, stop your delving in my hinterland.

*Fourthly deleted as I was advised to exercise my Fifth Amendment rights in the America where my blog reaches unto.

Them youths

I am often on occasion called on to give the youth of today a seminar or two for them.

It is not without thinking a bit beforehand, of course. How can I possibly - how can anyone - squeeze my multitudinous brains into the straightjacket of a weekend's intensive lecturing at them? It's not a job to be undertaken by a mere mortal, I tell you. And them to whom I was talking towards.

Still, I spilled forth as much as I could, and they seemed to appreciate it. Indeed, many of them sat there stunned into a silence that one would usually associate with copious intake of the old Mangers.

Theer really isn't that much wrong with them. Not much at all.

46 and not looking a day over it

It's happened on this very bloggum site here previously before earlier, of course, here and here.

But today I want it to be the very best of birthdays for this birthday boy. No silliness and substandard fripperies for me, if you darned well please, Beattie.

Never again will I feign delight at a Rupert Bear monocle, or a Saturn V model made out of raspberry jamminess. You can keep your fish-flavoured cigars, and the pants decorated with obscure handwritten invitations.

And you know what you can do with Rolf's tiny organ.

So bring on the affection and well-thought-through gifts of enormous cost. Now.

Xmas Gift Round-up

Probably the best of a sorry bunch of gifts to me from you lot.

I will be wearing it on those special occasions when I am in need of warming myself up.

Also a mug.