Pegging out

I thought I'd heard the last of all that pegging nonsense, but it seems Cap'n Jaaaaaaaahn has been out and about with his equipment and self-erecting tripod - capturing this magnificent example of a huge big one.

Imagine that clamped to a tender spot! Fair flushes the old tear ducts, I can tell you.

I salute you, Cap'n Jaaaaaaahnn, and admire your many ways of persuading reluctant cabin boys to get on with their swabbing and jigging.

Pastry delights

There's not much I enjoy more than a game of Visually-Impaired Buff with Ms Kelly Brook.

Black Sabbath

Last night I stumbled upon the World's Sweariest CoupleTM - Ozzly Ozzbornio and his flame-haired pot-of-vitriol-cum-missus Shazza, out for the evening to celebrate their special night.

Quelle horreurium!

They're spooky and they're ooky

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggggghhhhhh!

(Sticky-out freezing breast tips not featured.)

Twin of Evil 1 takes a relaxing moment away from her usual fund-raising activities .

With well-developed musculature and demonstrating an obscure yoga position (the pose of the still-wet-anti-perspirant) , she is clearly readying herself to greet the trickers and treaters brave enough to knock her up this evening.

The effect, I feel, would have been vastly enhanced up if she had managed to find a mask.

Engineering a feat of tautologicality

Ironbridge - so good they named the town and the bridge after each other.

It's a bridge. Made of iron. Get over it.

An invitation is in the post

I am delighted that The Spiv (a Treasurer) and Lady Jojojojojo (A Finance Officer) have finally found a lovely little place to live.

After years of scrimping and scraping through life with only a CostCo card to sustain them and their legendary generosity, they have at last acquired a modest property in which to spend their twilight years a-bickerin' and a-lovin'.

I look forward to the housewarming and the usual trays of Jose Ferrero Rocket chocolates and Colombian marching powder borne around the melee on silver platters by PORGs.

No offence, my smaller readers.

Competition time

Yes, it's me coming up all revolutionary.

No, relax, of course it's not! Me? Up a barricade? In those shoes?

I am in fact running a "spot the balloon" competition.

Simply put an 'x' where you think my balloon is and pop your prediction in my pigeon-hole. You too could win a balloon.

MacFashionista

Tallulah has discovered a brand new way of taking a sauna in a room whilst all about remain unsteamied.

This brand new total-vinyl sweat-enhancing baggy condom is not only comfortable and stylish, it is not even that! Available as a puncho or a capo (in the same design) it is produced in a resolutely lo-vis colour so the wearer can easily blend in with emperors and other imperial types.

I can let you have one for a fiver to the usual address.

Spam mail

I have become the recipient of spam mail from someone who chooses to be known as a 'Barber'.

In this rather childish attempt at a laugh at my expense, the spamster writes how much he appreciates all the work I put in on Tuesday, and the massive contribution I made to the success of the event. He goes on to write some would-be tosh about deserving a medal and that all went so smoothly it was hardly as if there was anything to do.

Of course, I am not in the habit of accepting votes of thanks, and in fact make it a point of principle to reject them and instead request that someone else be acknowledged viz. the Gavster, or the Genius Amanuensis. And I do this with a certain amount of dignity - not with any anger at all on my part. Not one jot. Not at all. No.

So 'Brother Brendan' - for I know it is you - you can take your spam and fritter it.

Z-Team

As for this lot, it doesn't matter what I do to try and exert some discipline into them, they will just stand around playing the fools and laughing at Joey Public.

And in case you are wondering who the mystery fool is cowering behind the pennant, then wonder no more, for 'tis...

...Beattie. Who, as is his spine-of-jelly wont, manages to lounge louchely even in the highest security zone known to anyone anywhere.