Xmas Gift Round-up

Probably the best of a sorry bunch of gifts to me from you lot.

I will be wearing it on those special occasions when I am in need of warming myself up.

Also a mug.

Xmas blogging again

Yes, I think dearly of you all which is why I've been up all night splashing out on you for a treat.

Shhhh! Charitable Works Ahead

You, my regular reader, will know that I am almost never likely to wander ever into tales of my charitable good works, no matter how persuasively I might be pressed to give up a copper or two for the starving minions.

No, I won't talk about it so don't even get of asking it at me time after time.

I am resolute to be silent on the issue and not even torture at the hands of the most well-oiled pro will force it out of me, hither and thither.

However, my heart was touched this Christian (and hangers-on) season when I literally came upon a haggard and starving wretch-cum-urchin left unattended in a gutter nearabouts my whereabouts.

With all the charitable goodness in every tip of my left hand's little finger I took said urchin to a local hostelry and did feed him up with a bowl of good broth and a flagon or seventeen of ale, for he was possessed of a mighty yule thirst. Indeed, I have never seen such a whole-hearted bid for the Guinness Book of Records (Dangerous Consumption Chapter).

Then he recounted at enormous length his terribly sad and moving tale for me, one of an unfortunately doomed handicrafts projects using string and wax, a Man with whom he would like to be United, and his eternal battles with the forces of grim bureaucracy.

I would be a brazier liar if I said I did then not bawl up my guts over it.

(I am indebted to Cap'n Jon for his theft of a picture which he passed on to me which was actually by Commissar a la Motte of what is very much a tear-jerk-off moment.)

Then, reeking of Christmas cheer, this eerie creature staggered off alone into the night, weaving between the traffic, cursing up a storm most banefully.

I, naturally, retired to Club Derrig where I spoke sadly to Beattie about this strange experience, and he looked awry.

"Whereso do you dog look awry?" I quippeth.

"'Tis a most haunting tale, Sir Colin," he replied in his usual gloomy manner.

"Out with it Beattie! No! I didn't mean that - put it away. No, advise me you beerhound, that this was no heavenly spirit what I have entertained with my very own cash this cold and darkling evening. Forsooth?"

"Nay, Sir Colin, 'twas an eccentric local goes under the name of Old Alan," he continued in his gloomy monotone. "They who do say, do say he be the richest man in Christendom, after Lord Jenkins."

A sweat broke out in the region of my wallet, and that very night I vowed never to do or speak again of charity.

Season's Greetings - Sir Colin

Don't forget to join me tomorrow for some festive-type egg/elfhead shenaniganery stuff. 'Round about midnight approximately. In the meantime, a message of love to all my both readers:

Season's Greetings - Beattie

Season's Greetings - Tallulah

O come all ye faithful...

'Tis the season to be jolly!

Join me in doing your bit (or anyone else's bits for that matter) for the planet here.

Season's Greetings - The Genius Amanuensis

Season's Greetings - Twin of Evil 1

Xmas lunch bonanza

I am very much looking forward to a massive festive lunching today of specialist gourmand content and stuffing.

Ah yes, it's the old plate of xmas loveliness which brings up the real meaning of christmastidy with alarming force and frequency.

Washed down with a range of lagers, brandy, baileys, fruity beers, and a number of wines, then all of it shook up in a frenzy at the Club Derrig disco-hell-in-a-handcart.

What better way to celebrate this very special queasy time of year?

Eeeeeeh Bah Goom

Defintely a load of E from the look of Trippy Tone in his acid poinsettia weskit.

Season's Greetings - Jools

Cryptic Xmas Message

...from 'She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed-She-Says'TM.

It's probably about some new approach to conflict resolution she's dreamed up off her head.

Saeson's Greetings - Lady Jo of Wheeeeeeeelan

Fleixworkingtime - a comprehensive guide

I have been asked to provide a detailed explanation of what is to me an utter simpleton of stuff about the fortnightly and weekly time-mounting-up-amazingly- despite-not-actually-being-around-much recording sheets.

I think this short demonstration video just about covers it for even the Boss Lady (or 'She-Who's-Not-Been-Quite-Right-Since-The-Bonce-Bash-Crash-Ouch'TM.

Season's Greetings - Sam 'The Spiv' Stroingrain

Season's Greetings - Cap'n Jahnnnnnn

Season's Greetings - Twin of Evil A

Team Derrig Xmas Carnage

Last Friday, I got the lacklustre drongoes of the team to contribute to a substantial raising of the average alcohol consumption per head for the UK.

And what a contribution!

To some people she's the 4th emergency service...

Season's Greetings - McGyver

Season's Greetings - Red Snapper

Season's Greetings - JayDee

Oh, aye!

Huzzah and chim-chim-cheree!

Just in time to get one for me as a jolly little stocking filler, it seems the monocle is making comeback, and will be sold in HIGH STREET SHOPS!

Just what I, Derrig, need to put the final touches to my gentlemanly get-up.

In fact, why stop at one? Get me a pair, Beattie, and I'll be doubly a-goggled.

Toodle-pip, old beans!

Season's Greetings - Brysers

Season's Greetings - Braisers

Off her tits on drugs...

...Or possibly just immensely desirous of sucking a straw with your yours truly? One can never really tell with Jools 'Can I Fly?' Hallam.

I, of course, made my usual excuse and left her wanting more.

Except, she had already got in her retaliation and is not speaking to me evermore again in the future to come.

Win-win situation, I call it.

Christmas greetingers

A seasonal greeting of it to all you lot of my readers for the Christmas time tide from myself and BT.

Prick

Ask BT.

A Denial

1) I have never met this woman.

2) This is all totally made up off her head.

3) I am considering legal action.

4) I am not now or ever have been a dirty dancer.

5) I apologise to this young lady's sister for anything we may have inadvertently done all over her furniture.

And there's an end to it.

By the pricking of my thumbs

Boring embroidery - a must

Known widely by a judge for his embroidery skills, it's a real pleasurableness to see The Mozzter displaying one of his many pastimes.

Always a good needler, there's no doubt he could stitch anyone up like the quipper he is.

Bereft

Maggie Jones
21 June 1934 – 2 December 2009

There and back here again now

Yes, I'm back.