A Personal Statement

Following a long-term campaign against me of enormous proportions I am forced to issue this personal statement of about me.

First off, and no shilly-shallying, I think the picture above says it all for me. A picture paints a thousand words, according to the song, and that saves me an awful lot of input.

Secondly up, on the sharing of rooms with Beattie. I am known far afield and wide away for my tightness and that's all there is to be said about that as a full and total explanation.

Thirdly now, I am comfortable in my own skin and with the smooth skin of other men in my company. It's perfectly natural and I've never been any different.

Fifthly*, there is nothing like a dame, and I cite in my defence Dame Edna Everage and Dame Danny LaRue.

Sixthly, there are plenty of women who could tell you all about my fancy-footwork and fiendish loving techniques, but as a discreet gentleman I'm not prepared to give away any identifying features except for those previously featured.

Now, stop your delving in my hinterland.

*Fourthly deleted as I was advised to exercise my Fifth Amendment rights in the America where my blog reaches unto.

Clearing it up

Bragg/McColl Sexuality lash-up. Lyrics here.

Look, I think this needs clearing up after some allegations were smeared around me on Friday night and now seem to be making their way into common tittle-tattle.

I hereby do confirm for the record that I am strong and warm and wild and free.

That's all you need to know.

Resting in their account

Fruitcake and hatbox pic by Red Snapper

I'm not one to go on and on and on and on and on about all my good charitable works.

You've only to look back over my many entries and you'll see it crops up almost less than once a week. I didn't even bother to put it on the blog yesterday that I paid for a goat to have a holiday in Africa.

But how the news wires were buzzing over the past few days about the latest charitable outrage!

Hardly surprising, though, when one realises the hubbub was generated by an announcement that two out of three winners of a "win a cake off a homeless" charitable eating contest raffle actvity were amongst the very organisers of same!

It makes Father Ted Crilly look like a saint.