Newsflash!!!! Update!!!!

With my technical head on I can now report that the source of the lack of news today is a BT issue on the Mayfair exchange. BT are investigating and have engineers at the affected exchange.

I provide this merely as a service to my less techincally-gifted readers, and those on other servers who may be similarly affected but failed to contact their IT support for advice.

I hope that normal drinking will be resumed as soon as possible.

Newsflash!!!!!

All suspiciously quiet.

Clever Clogs

I am delighted, but not at all surprised, that I have been approached to put together an elite team for the wacky BBTV show quiz "Smartarses".

I can, of course, answer on pretty much any subject you care to engage upon me with. The downside is that I am unable to be considered a team on my own.

Having cast around Club Derrig for likely team members I identified the Lady Jojojo, Jools Hallam, Tallulah and the Twins of Evil (on a job share basis) as those with the most potential.

Armed with this information I gathered them together in a state of heightened anticipationing and awarded them team membership.

Unfortunately, not only did they all start getting a tad iffy when the Lady Jojojo revealed that her legions of past boyfriends would be alarmed to see her present state of decrepitude, and that TV adds around half a stone to one's appearance, but I also discovered that between them they were a coven of blithering fools.

The putative Team CD had taken a right royalist knock and no mistake!

I looked at the dregs of humanity slumped drooling against the bar - men at their lowest ebb, and only the vainest hope of charitable support - and chose Bertuchi, Evans, Oestreicher, and Mr"." Thomas, with the Genius Amanuensis along for the ride.

Between us we could fill a bucket with what we don't know.

Keep 'em peeled for our possible televisual appearance.

A-sailing

I only put this picture up in the full knowledge that someone - you know who you are - will want to ensure the balance is maintained by sending in a picture of Braisers in his waistcoat and swimming cozzie lounging like an oiled-and- pampered cad on a French beach.

Caption Competition 4 / Look-ee-likee?

Captions in the comments, readers.

Caption Competition 3

You know the drill - captions proposals in the comments section.

Caption Competition 2

As usual, caption suggestions in the comments please.

Caption Competition 1

Submit your entries via the 'comments' section at the bottom of this post.

Cet a été un très bon an

A 'carte postale' arrives from the Braisby-Kendalls, vactionering en Francois.

Bonjour Monsieur Hake!

C'est tout rond d'art ici. L'art, l'art, l'art, l'art d'art. Ils disent c'est la lumière. Les unités les à l'absinthe, vous savez. Beaucoup de bateaux. Et plus d'art. Presque huit jours au Templiers maintenant et la boisson court hors. Mais assez d'art. Cet a été un très bon an.

Le nain Sous et le Lutjanidé Rouge

Never let it be said they don't know how to put the wind up the locals. Wheresoever they be.

Well I never!

Will there never be an end to those fleeing the country to avoid their obligations like I did until I coughed up the necessary and the ruckus was thus brushed firmly but discreetly twixt the underlay and the upper floor-covering?