Asboy

Someone thought this was funny. Hell-o-oh!?!

Man of mystery and derrig-do

Who is that blurred and charming man? What a magnificent figure he doth cut among mere mortals. See his fine chest-full of medals - for valour and suchlike, as one can only conclude from his heroic stance and forthright demeanour. Will we see his like again? Where will we find leaders of this calibre now that our lives are so meaningless and miserable? Who will save the world?
(To be continued....)

Nice to meteor

Not funny. Not funny one bit. What would the reaction have been if they'd done the same to some other world-famous icon. Des Lynam, for instance? Uproar. Riots. Burning effigies. The lot. But land a meteorite on a (now dead) Pope and it's a joke. It makes you wonder about some people's sense of humour.

I've often wondered

Now here’s a news story that’s actually interesting: A gun that can fire shots accurately around corners has been demonstrated by a US arms maker. The Corner Shot, developed by a Florida-based company, resembles a rifle with hinge in its middle. It has been tested by the Israeli military and was demonstrated at a firing range at Shoham, near Tel Aviv, on Monday. Units have already been sold to military forces in 15 different countries. The front section can be bent up to 60° to the left or the right, allowing a soldier to shoot around a wall or door without exposing any part of themselves to enemy fire.

The weapon is comprised of a handgun fitted to the front of the system and fired from the back section using an ordinary trigger. A video camera at the front is linked to a small high-resolution screen at the back. This lets the user see precisely where the gun is pointing without poking their head or hands out in the firing line.

The camera incorporates crosshairs, auto-focus and an infrared filter for use in low light. Pulling a grip underneath the weapon quickly snaps it from its bent configuration into a straight one, meaning it can then be used normally.

Terry Gander, former editor of Jane's Infantry Weapons, says that the contraption could prove useful in some combat situations, but would also some limitations. "It uses a pistol, which is a very short range weapon. A number of US arms manufacturers are currently developing digital rifle sights that can transmit video images to a soldier's goggles. This should allow them "see" around corners without putting their head in any danger. You can also put up navigation information into this sort of display," he says.

But, as I know, it’s not that new as an idea.

See the evidence here:

This weapon's only failing as a prototype being the tendency to shoot yourself round the corner. Also doubles as a u-bend.

Figurines, not dolls

You would be surprised just how many laydeez have admired my ever-expanding collection of figurines. They are particularly impressed with my Silver Surfer - glorious, eh? A few have commented about the absence of man-lumps in this finely-wrought sculpture. Aha! Well - it's only ignorance on their part. You see, the Silver Surfer traverses the space-waves of the interplanetary ether aboard his proton-powered surf board. And it's very cold in space. A vacuum, in fact, which accounts for the obvious shrinkage. You only have to think about it really. So he's not androgynous at all, right?

Here's me doing my impression of old Silvy boy.


A veritable plethora of man-lumps, don't you think?

Me and the laydeez

Had another batch of interviews last night with prospective Mrs.Derrigs. These two wanted a job share.

Not with me though.

Leggings akimbo

I had this bloke looked like Tintin in my club the other day.

Yes, he was just like him.

Only older. Much, much older.

Dick

Unbelievable. This bloke is some kind of poker-playing, accountancy-qualifying-almost, guitar-strummering plucker and all he can do is gurn like a fool.

Which reminds me. I ate a duck stuffed with a pig once.

Or was it the other way round?

Prescott, pensions and partnership rights

Coronation street

Telly's finest soap, mainly for its characterisation of older people, Coronation Street - or Corro to us fans - is unmissable. Who can forget the brilliant drama of Norris and Rita's pen-based dispute? Or Ken's acid review of the school play? Or Blanche's tragi-comic mishaps with her mobility scooter?

It goes from strength-to-strength and makes Eastenders look like a bunch of Londoners having a fit of the gripes.

Oh no its not

While the albino bowler may have the grace, style, and same haircut, he is not me. I do like the mutton chops though.

Starting as I mean to go on

A woman made-up to look like a monkey. Can you think of anything better? Me neither. Unless there's two of them. Maybe smoking. And making those monkey noises.

Welcome, dear reader

Hell-o-oh!

Thank you for joining me in my first tentative steps into the 21st century.

I have resisted sharing my knowledge and opinions with the world for far too long. I hope my beautifully-formed weblog and its considered content will go some way to enhancing my stature amongst my peers, rivals, and potential mates.

I know that some will see this weblog simply as an extended contact ad. And?

(Copyright Col Derrig)