Miracle hair restorer formula part 2

I recommend to you lot EmbonpointeTM the luscious locks liquid for lush laydeez and laydee lushez.

Two out of three women pictured expressed to me their deeply-hirsute satisfaction, while the third said she was looking forward to enjoying an impressive length over the Xmas period.

Go compare!

Special occasion

No! I will say no more!

Solo Patch

Dozy Gillespie celebrates his solo patch with The Onliest Monk.

The solo patch.

For a long-time the most derided of facial hair, appearing only on the fizzogs of jazzbos and beatyniks.

Not any longer. For I am in awe of the magnificent growth sported by the Genius Amanuensis.

There is no doubt that in covering up (an admittedly small) part of his face it can only contribute to a significant improvement.

But he has revealed it's not about appearance, or even trendism, or even coolth. Nor is it a declaration of his affection for the music known in my house as 'tooodly-parp-burpy-sans-melodia-jazz-a-ma-dross'.

No. It is that the laydeez what are loving it. Already he has been approached by women of all stripes just wanting to touch it. This hairy appurtenance is nothing more than a fondle-licence.

What is more, Tallulah describes it as fiendishly ticklish in the best possible way.

I embark today on my own growth!

Join me, men of Britain!

What you lose in dignity you will more than make up with the laying-on of laydee fingers!

Manly pub chat

"I always find that it takes a good friction rub to get it vertical, and then I rub the oil on. It can take up to ten minutes," sez me.

"I only wish mine was long enough. I'd certainly give it a go," sez he.

On bathing alone

Can I just say what a delight it is to have had burly builders up my premises for the past week or so and not once did they ask me to fill a bucket for them from my monthly soak-water.

In T'Net

I had a babysitter in at Derrig Towers last night. I wanted to check out what it might be like if I should ever have to make actual arrangements to care for any of the many and various possibly Derrig-sprogs scattered across the globe and further.

Now, I don't know about you. Well, clearly I don't - you could be anyone happening to stumble over me in the weird world of bloggery - you could indeed be a total loon. But if you bear even the least passing resemblance to that marvel of our judicial system, to wit the Chap on the Clapham Trambus, you will of course share my opinion that one does not turn to the babysitters of this world for elucidation.

WRONG! (As JB has it.)

For she was a fount of the most esoteric erudition, and especially so on the matter of the trichologicalisticalotomic arts, or 'hair and "do's"'.

She went for hours about it while I supped on a particularly fine brandy and chomped on a Ginster's 'Megameal' pasty-in-a-tube.

I waited until she finished before exposing unto her my own hair care bunch of advisory tips, thus:

1. Get the best product available, use it liberally, aim for maximum follicle erectility;

2. Rub it in well, using the fingertips. Rub it in. Rub, rub, rub. Not too firmly. Rub. Rub, rub, rub. Mmmmmmmmm. Rub. Rub. Rub, rub, rub. Ooooooooooooh. Oh yes! Rub. Rub. Rub. Aaaaaah. Rub-rub. Come on, Monty! Rub, rub, rubby-rub, rub, rub, rub. Yesiree, hose me down with mulligatawny. Rub, rub. Rubby-rub. And.....done! Take a long bath, you've earned it.

3. Keep your beau locks in a net at night.

She was well-impressed I can tell you, but unfortunately managed to escape through a window I had left unlocked round the back.