Briefer

Waiting for kick-off.

My brief briefing (all jokes in black ink)

I’m going to speak briefly about the march for public services on 26 March.

You’ve all seen the posters around the building. The poster clearly conveys the message behind March 26 and I quote “Savage cuts to public spending are not inevitable”

The TUC are calling the event on March 26 – The March for the Alternative.
This is appropriate as the central message of our campaign is that there is an alternative to the swinging cuts which are being promoted by the right wing media as a Fait Accompli – that’s French for an accomplished fact or a thing already done.

The Million Voices campaign is about raising awareness of the value of our members’ jobs, highlighting the impact of the cuts on vulnerable groups.

We can do this by engaging with the general public to make the case for public services as the essential foundation of a prosperous economy and a fair society.

This is why it is vital to make the march on the 26th a success.

Many of you have volunteered to be stewards on the day (more of that later) but you can still play a role even if you are not a steward.

I know that many colleagues were unable to volunteer to steward, but still intend being at the event, marching with their families and friends and members of their communities. The Million Voices Campaign is all about forming alliances with the communities that use and depend on public services to form our own coalition to oppose government policy.

So please, if you can march, please come down to the Embankment on Saturday 26 March and bring as many people as you can with you.

You should aim to get down there for 11.00am as the march moves off at 12.00am.

The march will head to Hyde Park where a rally will start at 1.30pm. The event should finish at 4.00pm.

I guarantee it will be a fun day – certainly you will have more fun than I did yesterday at Wembley watching Arsenal lose.

I’d now like to move on to stewards.

We have had a fantastic response. Thanks to everyone who has volunteered.
I just want to stress that on the 26th you will be stewards not police officers.

Your primary role is to keep people on the march moving and be able to assist with general enquiries from the public.

I can assure you that the organisers of the event have been working closely with the Police to ensure that this will be a family friendly event. For example I have a meeting with senior Police Officers at New Scotland Yard on Thursday.

Stewarding on the day will be important as we are expecting large numbers. For example we alone have 303 coaches bringing members to London.

We have 120 stewards not including our colleagues who are travelling down with regional coaches.

I’d just like to give you an idea of what stewards will be doing on the day.

31 of the stewards have been identified as senior stewards. These will be working directly with the TUC on the day. The Senior Stewards will be attending briefing sessions organised by the TUC on March 9 and 21, I’ve already contacted senior stewards concerning their preferred dates.

Our Senior Stewards have been given the specific task of being responsible with TUC colleagues for the forming up of the march along Embankment. Senior Stewards need to report for duty at 8.00am.

As explained the march will be forming up along Embankment with the head of the march at Hungerford Bridge stretching back as far as Blackfriars Bridge.
After our duties on Embankment are complete we will follow up the rear of the march into Hyde Park where we may be allocated general duties for the remainder of the rally.

The rest of the stewards will be doing an equally important job.

They will be route stewards which primarily involves marching alongside our delegation.

On the day Lucille will be the lead steward and will be responsible for allocating specific duties.

The route stewards do not need to attend any briefings. A stewards guide will be produced and distributed to our stewards. As well as general information, the guide will contain information specific to the event on March 26.

For example:

The route

Timings

Arrangements for lost children

Location of toilets and first aid

Contact numbers.

You will be proudly wearing your uniform of yellow tabards. Although there may be some orange ones as well. For those of you who like to keep up with tabard developments, we will gradually be introducing over the coming months a move to orange tabards to avoid confusion with the emergency services. Basically orange is the new yellow

If you haven’t a tabard, please pick one up as you leave.

Senior stewards do not need to pick one up, they will be issued with pink tabards at the TUC briefing.

As explained the route stewards will be moving along with the march. However, along the route, there will be senior stewards in static posts. If you encounter any problems the senior stewards are there to assist.

When the route stewards get to the rally, you are free to mingle with the crowds and listen to Dave speak.

There is another important job for route stewards to do on the day.

We want to have a bold, visible and yes noisy presence on the day.

Materials will be delivered by van to a site at the rear of Temple tube station at 8.00am before roads are closed to traffic at 9.00am.

There will be a communications team but they will need help transferring the materials from the van to the assembly point on Embankment.

Therefore we need all stewards to report to Temple Place at the rear of Temple Tube station at 8.00am.

You will understand why we need your help when I give you an idea of the amount of materials we are bringing to the march.

6,000 tabards

3,000 ponchos in case it rains

3,000 beanie hats in case its cold

3,000 baseball caps if its hot

500 flags

6,000 hand flags

And to make a bit of noise:

2,000 thunder sticks

2,000 whistles

And 4,000 vu vu zelas

We may also bring one or two placards.

Its going to be a long day and I do care about your welfare.

So please make sure you bring a bottle of water and something to eat as well as the obligatory comfy shoes.

There will be food outlets when we get to Hyde Park selling a delicious array of fine foods.

I know that with your help we will make March 26 a success.

You will enable our members and the general public to send a clear message to the government that the savage spending cuts are unnecessary and unfair.

We will be marching to defend hospitals, schools, libraries and other public services from the Government’s programme of cuts and privatisation.
We will also be standing up for public service jobs and pensions.

The march will let people tell the government how they feel – that cuts are not inevitable – they are a political choice.

Now you know I always like to share with you the latest inventions created by our boffins to help us in our fight to defend public services.

In October I showed you the kagol, now I am proud to present the vu vu zela.

I hope to see everyone on Saturday 26th March – either as a steward or marching.

Thank you and .....BOOM you're back in the room.

Species solidarity

It cometh to a pretty old pass when I have to partake in a demo about what is happening and stuff but I am now obliged to do so, following the news that my future benefits are to be slashed up.

Therefore I, Derrig of it, do hereby pledge unto my human friends my utter support, what remains of it.

See you up town that day, my loyalish readerships.

This charming man

There's something about this chap that is very appealing. Can't quite put my finger on it.

4x10

I've been sent this film. Why? Your guess is as good as mine.

Countdown

Who can be surprised that Tallulah is unable to wear a baseball hat the right way round when she has crept up on this ripe old age, fading faculties and all?

But let her speak for herself on this matter:

"DAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. HAT! HAT! HEAD! HAT! EEEEEEEE!"

Let's leave it there, eh, chums?

Missionary position

©Photographer: Unknown

It's not often one manages to catch up with The BossLady-Who-Brings-Fear-Unto-All- Regardless-Of-How-Much-Cowering-and-Bowing-And-Scraping-One-DoesTM on one of her weekend days of obligation.

But here she is out a-preachin' the good word to the down-and-outs of old London town, and bringing them soup and whatnot.

"It's a bit like street Dev Revs", she says. "You know - Look at your life you miserable specimen. Buck your ideas up. Cut that hair and get some styling product in it. Haven't you got ANY plans to get yourself out of the hole you've dug for yourself? - That kind of thing."

Admirable indeed, I have to say.

No, I really do have to, for fear of retribution.

But, possibly lose the t-shirt, eh, Ma'am?

Batten down the hatches!

Hurricane Maguire is on the way.

Enraging!

I have been practising being enraged to the point of fisticuffs at the gates of the Prime Ministers Mr David Clogg and Mr Nick Cameroon.

For some time it appeared that these two elegantly-enwealthed chancers were running the show and having it all their own way; or as they would have it "both up to it together".

It now seems they are having to dump some of their plans and do u-turns (an illegal manoeuvre in a car without its engine running. Ed.).

While this might come as good news to our tree-hugging brethren and our elders (ouch!) I am beginning my own protest against one of their most lunatic policies.

This then, gentle sea of readers, is your golden opportunity to join me in getting mightily miffed and protesting the street parties planned for the forthcoming joyous national occasion.

After all, just because she turns (age deleted for fear of reprisals. Ed) next week, it seems outrageous that I need to dip into my own pocket for a card and some gaudy bauble of a present for Tallulah.

'Tis surely a burden the taxpayer should bear?

The beautiful game

"I laughed, I cried..."

I am recovering very slowly from what was possibly the greatest night of my life so far (excluding the Her Majesty Lord Shirley Bassey night of wonders).

I have to say now that last night was emotionally-draining, spiritually-uplifting, serendipitous and in defiance of all the odds. I laughed. I cried. I trembled with delight.

Yes, dear readers, I - single-handedly - rediscovered my favourite game.

You know, I bet that louche rogue Beattie would probably have enjoyed it too if he'd have been there.

Barred

Aieeeeee! Head for the hills!

Club Derrig gets some right old characters in, as all of you who enjoy reading it - my weblogging - as much as I do to the hilt, will already know.

But there are some that stray beyond the characterful and into the downright obstreperous.

Having been barred for characterish behaviour unbecoming of a club member more times than I care to remember, I was perturbed up a lot to find out that "Christmas Carol" (so named because folks only want her coming round once a year) has decided to camouflage herself as the Ghost of Dappy (what is out of NPubz) in the hopes of smuggling herself past the ever-alert bar stewards.

In respect of the aforegoing as aforesaid I do under all my legal powers of Club Derrig hereunder now do declare her barred for life as and when until she gets her round in first.

(Beattie, please chalk her name up on the Board of Trouble.)

Expectations alloyed

I recognise that, in this time of austerity, many of you will have had to make hard choices about where to spend your money.

I have to confess to being a little disappointed, though, that a few fewer less of you than last year this day have obliged me with the traditional adoration on a card stuffed through my portal.

I await today's second post with an air of anticipation-cum-indignation.

Face/Off

It seems there are unaccounted for hyphens and gaps appearing in the word 'faceoff' across dictionaries wherever I look.

Just how wrong can they all be?

It is happening again....

I know for some people, Beattie, the thought of being the ultimate universal champeen of all quizzers everywhere for all time might mean leaving no room for ambition, but I sort of like it.

Can I also thank the others who turned up to sit at my table for the duration of my trouncing of the numpties who believed that they had any kind of chance that Friday night of yesterday that shall forever live in my enormous brain.

Oh, how I laughed out loud a lot at them. Modestly.

Hurrah for me!

That's A Moray

Here's a few clues about where I'm off to for my Spring arrgh'n'arrgh.

Yes, of course you've guessed, you well-educated acolytees of mine own, - Sardinium*.

Regrettably I won't be unaccompanied on this occasion and able to soak up all the local atmosphere and lovely laydeez in my usual casual manner.

No. For some reason, this time I will be hampered in my attempts to enjoy myself by Tallulah, Beattie, and the Genius Amanuensis. Heaven help me.

Most of all, though, I must say at you that I am looking foward-wise totally immensely to the chance to Mount Edna.

*Known colloquially and on maps and stuff as Sicily.

Riches beyond my wildest dreams

I am over the moon to report that I have already come into some Jackpot money via my dear old Mum, Lord bless her.

The Lottery of Eire or E-I-E-I-OTTOTM as it is known thereabouts, has cashed up big time on a ticket purchased unto me by my Mother, fine woman that she is.

I will be sharing a goodly portion of my €750000 winnings with friends and acolytes today at lunch, ensuring that a certain laydee of advancing years enjoys her 50th birthday thereby.

I am also aware that gambling is a venial sin and my Mother was wrong to do so and will be up before the Holy Beak for it, no doubt, the shameless and wicked woman.

Conceal your disappointment

Shrieking in tongues

Tallulah has an in-body experience, for once.

Eye-eye! (Patched for the squeamish)

Twin of Evil 1 lets the mask slip briefly to reveal the horror beneath.

Almost as bad as when the Genius Amanuensis had his bruiser-boxer look. But, of course, there's never a camera around when you want one.