Enraging!

I have been practising being enraged to the point of fisticuffs at the gates of the Prime Ministers Mr David Clogg and Mr Nick Cameroon.

For some time it appeared that these two elegantly-enwealthed chancers were running the show and having it all their own way; or as they would have it "both up to it together".

It now seems they are having to dump some of their plans and do u-turns (an illegal manoeuvre in a car without its engine running. Ed.).

While this might come as good news to our tree-hugging brethren and our elders (ouch!) I am beginning my own protest against one of their most lunatic policies.

This then, gentle sea of readers, is your golden opportunity to join me in getting mightily miffed and protesting the street parties planned for the forthcoming joyous national occasion.

After all, just because she turns (age deleted for fear of reprisals. Ed) next week, it seems outrageous that I need to dip into my own pocket for a card and some gaudy bauble of a present for Tallulah.

'Tis surely a burden the taxpayer should bear?