Election result shizzle

During my whistlestopping tour of the more delicate parts of Europe, I was lucky enough to be elected Obersturmbannpompadour of Bratislava.

I celebrated this unexpected bit of good fortune with a local yokel, who was clearly the worse for drink.

Electioneering

Here I am wasting up some valuable weekendage under the instruction of The Boss-Lady-Whose-Word-Goeth-Afore-And-Above-All-Others-For-Reasons-Of-Fear TM.

It seems she had gotten a bit behind on her mortgage-supplementing paper-round and so roped in a few 'volunteers' to help her out.

I, as usual, was a bit slow in taking the co-ordintaed step back and the upshot was two hours running round the streets of Barking on a rather elaborate game of 'Knock-Up Ginger' while avoiding tattooed baldies with bitey-dogs.

What larks.

US election barney outcome prediction thing

Barracks McCain..................John O'Bama

So that's it, then.

Yes, yes, I know. I shouldn't be saying it's all over at just a minute past midnight with just two states declared.

A number of people will no doubt accuse me of being a tad premature - and I don't mean just the laydeez - in congratulating the winner of the US election.

But I, Derrig, hereby and thustofore do put unto my head on the line and thuswithly announce that I am setting down for all eternity the correct prediction of the winner of the election of US.

From Day One it seemed pretty much a foregone conclusion, with a clear leader and an obvious sous-chien.

I have followed the race closely, and despite the switchback course it has pursued and the excitement it has generated, I am able to say with great confidence that the election was over well before it was conceded.

It was hard fought, but policy, tactics, and strategy won out in the end, helped by a stroke of genius in choosing a running mate who would make the ticket workable. A running mate with a wealth of foreign policy experience and the ability to communicate with Joe the Plumber. Sorry, Joe the Public.

Senator Obama, I salute you. Right up the flagpole of Democraticness.

We all salute you.

But military experience won out.

Maybe next time, eh?

Workers of all lands untie!

A spectre haunting Europe, today

It's all red round at Derrig Towers and Club Derrig today as you workers celebrate your International Day of Working.

You cannot move for the copious strings of scarlet bunting, flags, and doilies that have been carefully arranged by Mr. Ben Thoma"s" under my supervisory control. He's not done bad for a soft lad.

All through the day I will be marching here and there around and about, proudly stuffing my hot red pennant in the faces of those who seek to ignore this momentous 24 hour tribute to the working sort. I will be offering lectures and pamphlets on "Communistism: up the masses" and "Senator Joe MacArthur-Park: Naughty man, bad man, left cake out in rain, boo hiss."

Later this evening I will be retiring to Club Derrig for an evening of cocktails and chuntering, enjoying the fruits and fruli of what that you all have worked so hard for to provide for me.

I can honestly say that more than once today I will think of you all toiling away in your little offices, shops, and railways premises act at no less than 60.8 degrees.

It's a hard life for some and I am perpetually grateful I'm not one of you downtrodden serfs. It just wouldn't suit my lifestyle.

So accept my tribute with gratitude, for tomorrow it's all back to the degradation of you working for a living.

Come on, you reds!