Workers of all lands untie!

A spectre haunting Europe, today

It's all red round at Derrig Towers and Club Derrig today as you workers celebrate your International Day of Working.

You cannot move for the copious strings of scarlet bunting, flags, and doilies that have been carefully arranged by Mr. Ben Thoma"s" under my supervisory control. He's not done bad for a soft lad.

All through the day I will be marching here and there around and about, proudly stuffing my hot red pennant in the faces of those who seek to ignore this momentous 24 hour tribute to the working sort. I will be offering lectures and pamphlets on "Communistism: up the masses" and "Senator Joe MacArthur-Park: Naughty man, bad man, left cake out in rain, boo hiss."

Later this evening I will be retiring to Club Derrig for an evening of cocktails and chuntering, enjoying the fruits and fruli of what that you all have worked so hard for to provide for me.

I can honestly say that more than once today I will think of you all toiling away in your little offices, shops, and railways premises act at no less than 60.8 degrees.

It's a hard life for some and I am perpetually grateful I'm not one of you downtrodden serfs. It just wouldn't suit my lifestyle.

So accept my tribute with gratitude, for tomorrow it's all back to the degradation of you working for a living.

Come on, you reds!