Rome: The Infernal City

As a great admirer of Prof. Dan Brown's historical masterpieces "Daemons and Divils" and of course, his prima inter pares, the one that makes you realise how useless all his other books are, "The Dave Inchy Code", you will be delighted to hear that Rome has been successfully repaired.

As has Il Duce the Papa.

Following that unfortunate incident with a comet it was grand to see the oul' feller up and about in time for Matins on Sunday. (Matins, for the Heathen Ben-types out there, is a bit like elevenses with a bunch of friends round for a sing-a-long.)

Yes, there the little chap was bright and early up on his viewing platform in St.P's Quadrangle waving with his only good hand (following another unfortunate incident in which he broke his wrist and has regrettably been forced to give up his ambition to be the world's second greatest ping-pong player).

He chanted away a bit in a number of foreign languages and then went back indoors (imagine a weather-clock without the missus and you'll get the effect) to be carried around in his sedan chair a bit by faithful retainers. This ritual aspect of religionosity should not be belittled - and it is apparently the only way they can get him settled for his afternoon nap.

I'll be back in Blighty on Tuesday with the customary sweets and gifts for my own acolytes.

I will be holding a press conference in the afternoon of that same day, Tuesday, to announce my intention of setting up a London branch of Il Duce, with attendant regalia. It looks to be a good job, and I'm the only man for it.