Softball

Reconstruction of actual event

by people who know what they are doing.

Yes, you might well think it's some awful affliction of the nether regions of the gentlemanly sex.

But, no.

It is a pastime.

A pastime which seems to be one of the easiest ways of acquiring - voluntarily - injuries of varying levels of seriousness, ranging from a slight bruise to a full-blown cut.

Or so I must believe based on the reports reaching me of last night's historic efforts by a heroic band of hastily-volunteered incompetents known as the Club Derrig Irregulars against a bunch of tooled-up hooligans hailing from a local biscuit manufacturer.

After hours of battle on a rain-soaked pitch, in conditions that could only be described as 'mild' the result was:

Club Derrig Irregulars: 1 split lip; 1 bash on the bonce.

TUC Hooligan Army: 1 split lip.

I am therefore delighted to declare the Club Derrig Irregulars the winners by a lumpy skull.

Bring on the return match!