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Solo Patch

Dozy Gillespie celebrates his solo patch with The Onliest Monk.

The solo patch.

For a long-time the most derided of facial hair, appearing only on the fizzogs of jazzbos and beatyniks.

Not any longer. For I am in awe of the magnificent growth sported by the Genius Amanuensis.

There is no doubt that in covering up (an admittedly small) part of his face it can only contribute to a significant improvement.

But he has revealed it's not about appearance, or even trendism, or even coolth. Nor is it a declaration of his affection for the music known in my house as 'tooodly-parp-burpy-sans-melodia-jazz-a-ma-dross'.

No. It is that the laydeez what are loving it. Already he has been approached by women of all stripes just wanting to touch it. This hairy appurtenance is nothing more than a fondle-licence.

What is more, Tallulah describes it as fiendishly ticklish in the best possible way.

I embark today on my own growth!

Join me, men of Britain!

What you lose in dignity you will more than make up with the laying-on of laydee fingers!

Cap'n Bluebeard

Not content with wallowing in his reputation as the chief architect of the Great Squirl Massacree and Pot-Roast, it seems Cap'n Jahhhhhhhhhnnnnn (me hearties) is seeking to expand his notoriety.

Here he is practising his vile and piratical seduction techniques on a member of the Fabulous Five.

True, you can't actually see the Invisible Girl in this picture (obviously, you bunch of whacked-out dur-brains), so I have enchanced the picture with my whizzery on the old computerkit and you can now see what she looks like in my own brain when she's not invisible.

What next for this suavely-evil Beau-Brummel-cum-Masterbrainbox of the High Seas? Smug-druggling, perchance?

4D - in full effect

It's not often I feel the need to get up off my knees and thank Beattie face-to-face, but last night was literally the dog's binoculars.

In a multi-media spectacular at no cost to myself I was able to participate in the greatest event ever to be held in a waxworkery hereabouts.

I refer, of course, to the giant dressing-up box experience that is 'Be Spiderman' or another one of them be-garbed crime-crunchers. And in availing yourself of the full 4D (that's four pennies in old money style) you get to be spat on by the jolly green giant, which was Beattie slapped up with green emulsion and his trousers all ripped to show his bulging impressiveness.

Cap'n Jaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhnnnnnn laughed and laughed.

Child worrier

Yes, it's the return of the old Devil's Haircut himself.

Here we see Geoff "Stoned" Mason, as captured by Beattie who found him stumbling around the Isle of White looking for a bunch of kids to bother with his enormous imagined knowledge of Fly Agaric and other fruits of the forest, man.

Having escaped from a full-time job irritating the imprisoned, he is now a peripatetic oral historian of innerspace flights of fancy.

Surely there must be a lockable cage for him somewhere.

Eurotour 2010 Summary Report

Bratislava

A dump, apart from some kind of War of the Worlds

re-enactment-type-thing going on with their bridge.

The Danube

Boring river. Not blue.

Budapest

Gourmet pork scratchings a cultural wonder.

Vienna

Well pricey.

But the "The Sound of Music" tour, about a film with a name of the same,

is a definite must for any single man wanting to meet people

with similar interests viz. nuns, Nazis, lederhosen, and tra-la-la-ing children-kids.

And on the subject of Adolfs, can I say that

I thought the so-called "Fuhrer's" Beer Garden was a bit overblown.

Very over-ostentatious for such a big loser.

Still, I'm catching up with Twin of Evil A's number of countries visited, so all this rubbish was probably worth it in the long run.