A lot of people have asked me what 'Mr' Ben Thomas gets up to when he is not swabbing down the bar counter at Club Derrig, or booting out freeloaders, ne'er-do-wells, and nincompoops.
(And for those who wonder about the continuing use of the Club Derrig name, well no, I'm not going to dignify that evil woman's claim on the premises by changing it's name.)
I am now able to answer the previously-unsolvable 'Benjamin' question through the medium of media.
Photgraphic evidence has been provided to me of his notorious noxious nocturnal doings.
It seems he spends his time at a local branch of Drongoes Anonymous, a support group for those who cannot enjoy themselves unless posing for photographs. To preserve their anonymity - for they publish these disgusting images on the Wide World Wonder Web - they don outlandish garb and disguises.
Here's an example I found on the "Lick my decals off baby" website:
'Mr'.Benjamin Thomas can be seen lurking discomfitingly in the background behind a bounteous bevy of womanly pulchitrude. (Although God knows what they look like in daylight and without the slap.)
Through the modern miracle of photography and computerised technical wizardliness, I have been able to blow-up, rotate, and otherwise enhance the lurker in the shadows and come up with this mind-blowingly sickening picture of this gruesome Chaplin-impersonator.
Just don't invite him home of an evening. 
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