Fear of flood

It can be difficult for the modern man to dress stylishly without giving way to the excessions of fashionism and looking a bit of a Charlie.

So, today I am guiding you all up on trouser length.

All too often I see some youth with dozens of crumpled inches of trouser gathered over the top of his grubby trainers. This can be caused by the over-long trouser, or by the 'half-mast-look-at-my-undercrackers-aren't-they-expensive' prison stylee.

"Old hat, young man!" I shout, then move off quickly.

Here is my pictorial assistance on trouser-length acceptability for all you chaps needing help in staying en la mode.

1. NOT BAD
2. BEST

3. EUROPEANS ONLY

4. CHRIST ON A BIKE, YOU IDIOT!

And remember, shorts are for footballers and laydeez in the 1970s.