I won a tenner!

You recall the almost-qualified, almost-guitar-playing, almost-recovered, does-a-lot-of-revising-in-the-bar-student-type, Dick?

Well he's a regular at Club Derrig, taking a load off, getting over the stresses and strains of the day, keeping up the average Magners consumption rate for the Club and so on. I am somewhat of a father figure to the gurning fool - and that is not code for him being my long lost son, the product of a quick knee-trembler in the car park of Mabledon Towers with whatever her name was...nice hair, tattoos, eczema, pipe...oh come on, you remember?

Anyway, in my role as mentor, I occasionally give him a few lessons in the gentlemanly art of pool. He'll never make a real player, but I think it's important that he's allowed to express himself on the table, knock a few balls around and so on. It's all very non-patronising of course, and I do let him win from time-to-time to keep his pecker up.

But dash it if the young whippersnapper wasn't getting all cocksure and thinking that because I set shots up for him, or deliberately foul to give him a couple of shots, or miss my own pots, or knock his in a pocket occasionally when he's at the bar getting a round in, well dash it if he doesn't think he can take me on in a big-money-game!

Clearly, as a Derrig, I couldn't let such a challenge pass and decided to teach him a lesson. Keeping my powder dry, I let him win the first match and suggested a double-or-quits return. Foolishly he picked up the gauntlet and was mightily peeved when I won the game, leaving me a tenner up. That certainly settled his impudent hash and was a victory for myself of magnificent proportions! He certainly won't be trying that one again.

All hail Derrig-Power! Huzzah!

(For the sake of completeness and the avoidance of legal action, I must add here that the night did not stop there and by the end of our endeavours I ended up owing the runt a fiver. Not that that has any bearing on the afore-reported Derrig-tastic wiping of the floor with the misbegotten oaf.)