Homeward bound

To avoid any reptition of the indiginities of the boat trip on the way out to my legendary SA trip, I decided to expend a few extra English sterling pounds on flying home.

I have worked hard for my money, so I don't expect to hear anyone challenging me about green footprints and all that Hippy Hairshirt 'Ooh isn't it getting hot' garbage. There's science and there's science and there's not science. And there's not quite science but mumbo-jumboism of the very highest order.

"It's a con put up by Bonio of that You Two and his ex-copper pal Stingy. Both of them jet-owning greenheads with nothing better to do than poke their noses in to the business of decent ordinary folk," said dapper Jon 'Scuttle' Richards to me the day before I left. "There's not a word of truth in this 100% scientifically-tested-and-proven climate change theorising."

He knows all about this stuff, geologicalism and planetary material and pop stardom's ability to turn your brain inside out and leave you wearing leggings and a woolly hat on a summer day. I don't know why he's never called on by the news brigade to give a more rounded point of view to our current affairs reportage.


Anyway, trip back pretty much to plan, dropping me off at Lydd airport where I imagine I'll be met by a bevy of laydeez with plans for me.

Hasta la fistula, baby!