Liquid diet consumption foolishness

A cavalier-cum-King Charles' spaniel writes:

Dear Uncle Colin,
I keep seeming to need a fresh change of clothes whenever I partake of that delightful contemporary comestible "the smoothie". Any hints?
Mutt

Uncle Colin advises such and thuslike:

Oh Mutt, Mutt, Mutt, Mutt, Mutt, Mutt, Mutt, Mutt, Mutt, Mutt, Mutt. Crazy name, crazy guy!

It's a problem more common than one might think amongst those who have damaged their brains with Wee, PPS, XXX-Box, Zeldo and Audio Hedgehog, not to mention those Spanish electrician twins. A regular input of these serves only to enflabbergast the brain parts that deal with operational sequencing, leading to all sorts of embarrassing problems, such as sticking one's head out of unopened windows.

As regards the smoothie, try printing off the following and sticking it on your refrigerator so it may be consulted before creating havoc:

Smoothie operating instructions

1. Open refrigerator

2. Locate smoothie

3. Remove from refrigerator

4. Shake smoothie vigorously to ensure even distribution of contents

5. AND ONLY NOW TAKE THE BLOODY LID OFF, YOU TWIT.

6. Position bottle opening at mouth.

7. Consume responsibly.

8. Dispose of smoothie bottle in recycling bin.

On no accounts reverse the order of operations 4 and 5.

I think you will find this advice will see a reduction in your laundry bills.

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