Synopsis: Would you believe it? Another World War comes along. I suppose it wasn't too much of a surprise after they called the previous one World War I - a clue, methinks? Lots of famous actors who are quite good at acting at football get captured behind enemy lines as they try to destroy the bridge at Remagen: Kenneth Moor, George C.Scoot, Sir Jim Mills, Noel Cowardice, David Nivea, and Lance Percival - an all-star cast indeed. All of them trained killers.
Accommodated in the Bayern Munich football stadium for lack of decent quarters, they begin tunnelling as soon as the door is shut, Lance Percival distracting the attention of the guards with a 4-day marathon calypso rendition of "Dingleberry dangling time".
In the course of tunnelling they find a football and decide that they would be of more use to the propaganda machine playing a game against a crack Nazi squad in front of the world's press.
The Germans have a chat with Mr.Hitler, who was always up for a bit of sporting endeavour until that J.Owens super-athlete chap turned up and single-handedely won the entire 1938 Olympiad, and he won't take the risk.
Lots of evil fascist cackling "Ha hahahaha ha hahahha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahhahaha! Hahah hahah hahah haha ha ha hahhhahahahahahahahaha hahaha! Hahhahahahhahahaha!" And so on.
So they are all shot.
But the plucky soccer boys carry on playing despite their lack of actual talent!
"Reggae Boys! Reggae Boys!" comes the chant from the portly chap in the goatee in the Bierkeller stand.
The final whistle gets blown and the war ends. Lots of bath-time action ensues. Scrub-a dub-dub!
(Well, that's how Monsieur Thomas Le Collaborateur described the final scene to me as I had been forced to seek out a tub of Revels.)
Col's commentary: As a long-time football afficianado I came to this film expecting it to follow the usual dreary pattern of pathetic pitch action, a lack of any demonstrable football skills, absurd one-dimensional characterisation, horrendous dialogue, and no plot worth speaking of. How right I was. Rush out and buy the superb DVD now! (No extras.)
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