Not my sort at all

I have been perusing the small ads of late as I believe that there is no laydee left unturned in my ever-widening circle. Yes, I believe I may have sucked dry the pool of locally available talent. (Certain unsuitable examples exempted from my amatory wanglings, of course. You know who you are, MC Hamer.)

As chance has it, my good friend Sam "The Spiv" Oestreicher - though now burdened with a life sentence of Lady Jojojo of Toxteth - was in past times a top spreader of his unpredictable "jerky-love" movements in all corners of the 'Stow. Frequently he could seen in the early evenings slinking around the markets offering a taste of his meaty delights to passing strangers. But the 'Stow proved too small a bowl for this big fish among men.

And so, in his rampant desirings to sample further afield, he looked to the Desperate Hearts column and found a wide-range of fresh material and continued his wicked ways until he finally was ensnared by the aforesaid Jojojojo.

I have enlisted The Spiv to assist in drafting my own advertisement in order to put myself about more widely. His knowledge of the 'Scene' and its short-hand for saucy shenaniganery will be handy (WLTM for example meaning Would Like To Mount; HHLVCC - Hairy Hands Love Velvety Chubby Cheeks; BURMA - Bump Up Rump My Angel; and GSOH - Giant Shark Outside Hotel) and it will also give him once again a sense of purpose other than being a sounding-board and drudge. It will be good for his soul.

I have already commenced my research in a number of listing magazines and have been a tad disgusted with the dire quality of what is presently on offer.



I will, of course, be snapped up by the right types with the persistence to wade through the dross.

I return to this matter tomorrow, when it will be one day after today's heady celebrations of The Spiv's 49th birthday. Again.