Peace, Man....

Today I will be smoking the weed of tolerance, along with a number of other people, in order that we may 'stop behaving inhumanely to each other', and 'all get along a bit', 'increase the peace', and 'make the world a happier place'.

All of them direct quotes from the pre-group-hug-in preparation materials for today's crazy Love Fest.

I have been ordered along to this magnificent event under pain of more work by The BossLady (Peace-On-Her-And-All-Who-Sail-In-Her!TM).

I will, of course, approach said Namby-Pamby Play Nicely Now, Children day of wonders with an open mind.

Perky And Pinky

Coati Mundi Gloriana Junie Woonie, or...

me being the front end of a pantomime snail.

Yes, it's Latin Garb day downabouts here.

Spick and Span.

Cheech and Chong.

Roobarb and Custard.

Over and Out.

Disciples

"Blog it and they will come" has been my motto since the day I was born.

Today I have reached the golden number of 13 followers, all of them devoted to my blog and what I have put on it in typing.

13 people I've almost met none of at all and who are hanging on my words. Sitting by their computers and waiting for me to spill some wisdom-pearls onto their screens.

Like I haven't got anything better to do!

Urgent Warning!

I am on the inside track about this, so pay attention!

A deep cover mole in the Metereoeorological Office tells me he's getting rumblings on his equipment. Apparently this is predictive of an whole volcano in Iceland (Brrrr!) going to blow it's top any day now, throwing the world into chaos as a giant ash cloud covers huge swathes of Northern Europe and makes it impossible for anyone to get a decent tan.

Now I'm not one to spread alarm unnecessarily, but I would strongly advise all my readers to stock up well on the Pot Noodles (at least two flavours - there's no telling how long this horror of the greatest magnitude ever faced by mankind might go on for, if indeed, it will ever end), Ginster's buffet bars, and Mangers.

Batten down the hatches - it's going to be a bumpy ride!

I thank you, Laura Elizabeth Tyndall

Queen Elizabeth I in her prime

They said it would never happen.

But it now has so very happened.

I have been ridiculed and abused for years over the self-centredness of my weltanschauung and now someone has acknowledged me for the genuine, kind, and sincere chap that I am of course am.

Yes, I have had a real contributor. Not one of you lot messing about under assumed names and poking fun at my webtastic column. A real person making a real comment about something of my own writing of about something.

And she 's a woman!

Which means - despite her own brilliant suggestion of an eminent woman in that Queen Elizabeth (one) as a good starting point for my list- I would love to have her - Laura Elizabeth Tyndall (o, divine joyful name indeed) right on top instead.

And although she is an 'Merican, I still feel there is room for her to be accommodated.

I strongly recommend a visit to this lovely laydee's own contributions to the good of all humankind - men and women - at http://ltyndall.blogspot.com/

(Warning: mentions sex and stuff.)

Eminent women

I have been on a search for eminent women, as is my desire.

Yes, I am currently looking for women of fame and repute of the positive kind (it is, after all, all too easy to find those of the other sort, as you will tell from a simple scan of your locale I am sure.)

I am drawing up a list for publication in a leather-bound tome (to be sold at a reasonable price) of those women who have made positive contributions in the field of the arts and sciences; women who have governed well; women who have performed great services for their nations; for their fellow women; or indeed for all mankind - not even caring that some of us are men.

It will be a list to end all lists of eminent women of great eminence, consisting of pages of detailed biographical information and analysis of the vast contributions they have made.

There will also be pictures and witty, thought-provoking, or simply provocative quotations from these builders of the world as we know it now.

This will be a list of the stars of the sisterhood, their names and deeds shining off the very pages on which they are writ up on.

Rush me your nominations now.

I'm a bit stumped, myself.

Green Day

Well, it certainly rolls round regularly, this annual event, don't it?

The one day in the year you can all get merrymakered and paint the town green with all your shenanigans and whatnot.

But I for one am preparing for a counter-onslaught against all the prejudice and stereotyping of my proud race and the Irish.

It's not all about drinking and dancing and fighting.

Yes, have a good time. Go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go gogogogogogogo on.

But remember on this day our proud history and all the small part I have put into it.

Remember on this day - the day of days - the island of rain all the time.

Remember on this day of all days our traditions of not at all drinking, dancing, or fighting all that much more than anyone else on average (upper quartile).

But above all, on this day of all days, of all days I say again, I call on you to remember to dress up your pets.

You knows they love it.

Och aye! 'Tis St. Pet-Tricks Day!

El Parador Jaw-Dropper 10 - Correction

After one hell of a flaming mixing-up yesterday, I am now able to bring you now the corrected one for you. Flipping heck, eh?

El Parador Jaw-Dropper 10 - Yours trulyest

El Parador Jaw-Dropper 9 - Beattie

El Parador Jaw-Dropper 8 - Tallulah

Chere Carla

"Absolutely puffing devastated"

I am getting in touch only to offer my deepest and warmest sympathies for all that malarkey and you giving that Shortarse Sarko the boot and all and more, wasn't it?

I know how much you must be a-hurting all over about dumping that little French chap and all that damn misery-making he's put you through with that posse of lovely economic policies. It's shocking and not at all envy-making.

Anyway, I would like you to know that I am currently a single man, more than capable of showing affection and physical stuff and that old rubbish, and would dearly love to stitch another name on my love-blanket - that is if you think you're ready to plunge back into the maelstrom that is getting loved hard and briefly by a chap.

I've always liked the Italian accent, I am a big fan of the name Carla - especially as a spy-type mistress name - and am an admirer of hirsuteness amongst you women lot. I must, though, draw the line at your guitarring and singing.

Get them out the way and we're in business. Unless Cheryl gets back to me first.

No chance of a threesome, I’m guessing? Just to record an album, of course.

RSVP 12th March.

Yours,

Big Bad Col

El Parador Jaw-Dropper 7 - The Genius Amanuensis

Tallulah pulls

Tallulah went to Devizes and pulled an invisible man....she said.

Not happy.

Not happy at all.

El Parador Jaw-Dropper 6 - Lady Jo of Wheeeeeeeelan

El Parador Jaw-Dropper 5 - Sammy The Spiv

El Parador Jaw-Dropper 4 - Cap'n Jon

46 and not looking a day over it

It's happened on this very bloggum site here previously before earlier, of course, here and here.

But today I want it to be the very best of birthdays for this birthday boy. No silliness and substandard fripperies for me, if you darned well please, Beattie.

Never again will I feign delight at a Rupert Bear monocle, or a Saturn V model made out of raspberry jamminess. You can keep your fish-flavoured cigars, and the pants decorated with obscure handwritten invitations.

And you know what you can do with Rolf's tiny organ.

So bring on the affection and well-thought-through gifts of enormous cost. Now.

El Parador Jaw-Dropper 3 - Jools

El Parador Jaw-Dropper 2 - Twin of Evil A

El Parador Jaw-Dropper 1 - Twin of Evil A