I am urging all my loyal fans to turn out in support of me at today’s AGM of Club Derrig.
Normally I find democracy a bit of a bind, relying - as one unfortunately has to – on the knuckleheads, loons, and degenerates that make up the Club Derrig electorate. It’s a nightmare getting them to put their hands up at the right time. Drink helps, of course, but none of them would get a certificate as house-trained.
So I am appealing to you, my loyal readers, to turn up at 4.30 today and ensure that I am voted out of the Presidency, having achieved all my manifesto pledges in my 5 years of office - namely to encourage more women to take up drinking at the Club.
I have used all my Derrig powers to encourage, coax, inveigle, manipulate, abduct, and force members of the fairer sex – regardless of gender or looks – to join me in alcoholic sustenance. I defy anyone to challenge my remarkably high success rate when I’ve been paying! Bring it on!
So it is with great sadness I must step down as President to avoid buying drinks on such a regular basis, and switch my funds to buying me a Sky TV package, featuring the Fashion TV channel with foreign models and suchlike.
Your support is essential, and you can show it by voting for the ‘Lady’ Jo Whelan of Oestreicher as President, no matter how bad you feel about it. It could be worse - I am at least on 'mwah-mwah-darling-air-kiss' terms with her.
In my last meeting as President you will be able to hear me hold forth on a number of important issues such as the appropriate terminology for addressing former Presidents of Club Derrig, and why my birthday should be celebrated by declaring it International Morris Dancing day.
To avoid confusion, please note that only members of Club Derrig may vote.
Normally I find democracy a bit of a bind, relying - as one unfortunately has to – on the knuckleheads, loons, and degenerates that make up the Club Derrig electorate. It’s a nightmare getting them to put their hands up at the right time. Drink helps, of course, but none of them would get a certificate as house-trained.
So I am appealing to you, my loyal readers, to turn up at 4.30 today and ensure that I am voted out of the Presidency, having achieved all my manifesto pledges in my 5 years of office - namely to encourage more women to take up drinking at the Club.
I have used all my Derrig powers to encourage, coax, inveigle, manipulate, abduct, and force members of the fairer sex – regardless of gender or looks – to join me in alcoholic sustenance. I defy anyone to challenge my remarkably high success rate when I’ve been paying! Bring it on!
So it is with great sadness I must step down as President to avoid buying drinks on such a regular basis, and switch my funds to buying me a Sky TV package, featuring the Fashion TV channel with foreign models and suchlike.
Your support is essential, and you can show it by voting for the ‘Lady’ Jo Whelan of Oestreicher as President, no matter how bad you feel about it. It could be worse - I am at least on 'mwah-mwah-darling-air-kiss' terms with her.
In my last meeting as President you will be able to hear me hold forth on a number of important issues such as the appropriate terminology for addressing former Presidents of Club Derrig, and why my birthday should be celebrated by declaring it International Morris Dancing day.
To avoid confusion, please note that only members of Club Derrig may vote.
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