It is not often I am required to force The Contessa Ms June 'Twin of Evil A' Chandler to drink.
On this particular occasion, though, she needed my help to obliterate from her mind an awful memory, that she had flashed-back to upon seeing me lounging louchely at the bar of Club Derrig.
It appears that some time back she had written the rudest word known to the English-speaking world in the snow on the windscreen of her testosterone-crazed partner's (Mr David 'Johnson' Johnson) luxury saloon vehicle. 'Johnson' became seized with a fit of rage, and seeking to dissolve the snow, relieved himself on the defaced windscreen. His rage grew further on discovering his super-powerful hormone-drenched urine had the effect of acting an an etching agent.
In a bold attempt to disguise the offensive word, he now motors the land in the guise of a Scunthorpe supporter, in a frenzied search for private contractors to spit on.
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