Tossing in my titfer

I have decided to throw my hat into the ring as a Parliamentary candidate at the forthcoming Generals Election.

I am aware that the good people of Suffolk are crying out for decent representation by a skilled orator with the necessary direction, gumption, verve, vim, and spunk.

I am therefore giving notice to all parties that tenders (cash only, no cheques) for my services may be submitted in sealed brown envelopes to the usual address.