Many of you seem to be confused about allegations that I have a criminal record for kerbcrawling.
Let me put the record straight: Firstly the American legal system is a very different bottle of fish from that in the United Kingdoms. They have different legal concepts such as '3 strikes and you're off'. They also have 'Double Indemnity' with Fred MacMurraymint and Barbara Stansted. And Perry Masonry, of course.
Secondly, it's a long way away, despite the virtual bridge of our grand telephone system.
Thirdly, the laws and verdicts of that benighted country, God Bless Her, do not apply in this country.
Finally, they speak a different language: Americano. Coffee is known as 'joe' and 'jive', and 'jazz'. Marion Morrison is known as John Wayne. Dr Who is known as Dr Who?. What they call kerbcrawling, we call jaywalking.
Having clarified the situation, I will say no more.
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