On the perils of fashion

Unlike the aformentioned fashion-plate Mr Jon ‘Pugwash’ Richards, I do not find it necessary to adorn my body with fancy high-priced garments. My inner beauty will always shine through regardless of the scarecrow cast-offs and unironed shirts I choose as my day-to-day apparel.

Having said that, from time-to-time my eye is caught by a decent bit of schmutter, which I believe can only be improved-upon by my wearing it.

Only the other day I saw what is probably the finest overcoat since young Joseph was gifted his rainbow smock.I’m sure you’ll agree that this is a particularly fine example of the tailor’s art, and one which would grace any man’s wardrobe without making him look like some irritating gilded lily.

In somewhat of a rush to get to my barber’s salon (‘Primpers’ - £5.00 flat-rate, no job too big), I decided to return at later date to the emporium at which this item was available and purchase it.

Imagine my horror when that very evening my so-called “Genius Amanuensis” Williams bowled into Club Derrig wearing THE VERY SAME COAT (save a little smaller).

Of course, I cannot be seen garbed in the clothes of the masses, so I have decided to buy the same coat for myself, but wear it customised with various badges and gaily-coloured ribbons. And I have instructed Williams to phone me each morning before he leaves his premises so he can learn if I intend wearing the coat that day. It would be simply too ghastly were we to arrive at functions we have in common attired in a similar fashion.

I am also buying one in a curious brownish-type colour.