Up to snuff

As anyone who knows me will be glad to attest, I am a libertarian of the first order.

But I am not stupidly libertarian. Oh no. When the law changes it is usually wise to fall into line. I have seen the writing on the wall - not to mention the signage.
I am of course, talking about the combustible consumption of tobacco and the ban which came into effect today.

But, dear reader, does a Derrig go gently into that good night? No! He lets rip in one mighty roar of liberation before falling into line with the whimpering majority.

Hence the magnificent "Smoke 'Em Up" held at Club Derrig on Friday. All members were able to come along and spark up their remaining cigarette, cigar, pipe tobacco, and cigarillo products.

And what a mighty cloud we made!

Not that I smoke, of course.

But that scoundrel Benjamin Thomas - avoider of civil partnership commitment - turned up with something he called "snuff".

An amazing product, the "snuff" is taken nasally by sniffing it in a very ostentatious manner from the back of one's hand into one nostril at a time. The effect is remarkable: an immediate tingling of the nasal membrane, a livening of the nerves and increased alertness, a marked growth in confidence, and a general feeling of superiority. This latter, of course, I am unable to remark upon, being in such a state naturally.

All were agreed that partaking of the snuff must become a regular feature of our gatherings now that the deadly weed was no longer permissible in a burning form.

Imagine our horror to discover that the delightful white, crystalline powder is not available in high street outlets! Mr Thomas put us all at ease by assuring us he knew a reputable supplier by the name of Charley, and would take orders that night for further personal supplies.

That boy has some uses, I suppose.

(Copyright Col Derrig.)