A weekend of great enjoyment

I don't know what your weekend was like, but I had a whale of a time.

Friday evening was spent enjoying the company of an entirely incoherent woman of my past acquaintance, singing rebel songs and downing a variety of noxious created-on-the-spot cocktails. I dined later on a magnificent kebab of assorted meat-derived contents (hold the salad!).

Come Saturday I rose late and enjoyed an hour in my gentlemanly pursuits, followed by ablutions. I watched a considerable amount of television, especially the second part of the 100 Greatest War Films. I partook of a take-away from the local Chinese in the evening before continuing my reading of an informative tome on the wars of the Victorian era.

On Sunday I rose even later and took my constitutional to the launderette and there composed letters to the editors of all the serious Sunday broadsheets on subjects as diverse as foreign policy, fashion, and polenta. I then braved the sun (I do have awfully fair skin, don't you know) and was pleased to attend the start of the Tour de France and a chance to observe the lycra lads. I again watched more television and selected extracts from the greatest film of the past 10 years,"Armageddon".

This morning, beneath the handwritten first draft of volume one of my autobiography, I found an invitation to party that occurred on Saturday night. How very clumsy of me to mislay this invitation.

But did I miss this social event?

Not nearly as much as it missed me!