Monday 29 September 2008

Film Review 10: Bram Stroker's Dracula

Synopsis: A bloke goes a-travelling to help out an old Counter with some legal problems. Pear-shaped it doth goeth gothically.

OUCH! NIGHT! NECK! TRIO OF LOVELIES! BITE! VAGUELY EROTIC STUFF A-HAPPNIN' TO HIM! BLOOD! WHAT CHOO TALKING BOUT RENFIELD!?!

Top vamp-chap comes to Yorkshire where he is assailed by flat-cappery, whippetry, and a bevy of available necks-by-night. Goes on a bit of a spree biting the necks of young ladies in various states of decolletage including a Lucy Harker.

Eventually caught out by a Prof Van Rental who gives him a steak, leaving him expired. What a way to go.

Col's commentary: A poor addition to the vampiricalism-on-film canon, saved only by the masterful performance of Gary Coleman as that titular Cunt Dracula. 2.71 stars out of a possible 26 - 'twenty-six' - 26 for the film, and 73 - 'seventy-three' - 73 for Gary's performance. Straight to video in Wales.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't think I've ever been quite so offended by your use of smut.

Keep up the good work.

Col said...

OK, Braisers.

And they say you are a man of the world!