Relative clarity

Ma: So is that my lovely little Brendan, then? It's your ma here.

Brother Brendan: Yes, ma. It's me.

Ma: So it's you then, is it?

Brendan: It is.

Ma: Where are you then?

Brendan: I'm at home, ma.

Ma: Well that's very nice for you.

Brendan: And are you keeping yourself well, ma?

Ma: I am. And your father. We've been making lunch for hours.

Brendan: Spare me the details, ma.

Ma: Now I see your idiot brother's been on the telly again, may the saints preserve him.

Brendan: No he hasn't.

Ma: Oh, yes he was, he was on the other night. He told me so.

Brendan: No, ma, it was an audition. he wasn't actually on.

Ma: Yes, it was that programme....oh, what is it's name?...Oh, yes, "Dickheads".

Brendan: No, he wasn't on and it's not "Dickheads", ma, it's "Smartarses".

Ma: But I've been telling everyone in the village that he's a Dickhead now.

Brendan: Well, fair play to you ma. Fair play.